GAB Studio

Back in September, I thought that I was going to have this incredible comeback and make all kinds of posts, gain some new followers, and explore my creativity.

However, I learned that although I had more time since graduating, I really didn’t have that much time given my work and more prominently, my commuting schedule. I was spending over 10 hours in a car per week and I was not saving any money by living with my parents like I thought I would.

Once I realized this, I decided it was worth it for my mental health to move out on my own closer to my office. This meant yet another move was in the works for this year. Ugh.

Since moving for work, everything has seemingly gone down hill. Not only has it felt quite demoralizing but it has made me feel horribly worthless in a professional sense. I was told that I am a negative workplace presence, that I am not trustworthy, and that my salary is a waste of money. Who told me this? My boss. Not a coworker who doesn’t like me, but my boss. We have no HR since it is such a small company so I have nobody to talk to about it, so I need some way to vent haha.

I was trying to work through and be the best employee I could be otherwise while applying to new jobs, only to figure out that I was the only person in the office to not get a Christmas bonus. This conversation cam about due to a massive emergency vet bill that came my way and my curious and naive self not knowing when bonuses are distributed. My coworkers then told me that they all got phone calls about their bonus and were instructed not to tell anyone. So not only did I not get a bonus, I am still in the dark about why I did not get one.

All of this to say, I have learned that I think that I put too much of my identity in my job, which I never knew I did. I guess this is coming from a high achiever in school who was always looking for the validation of good grades.

Moving forward in this new year, I am going to hopefully get a new job lol, but also not put so much of my identity into whatever job that I move into. Of course, I hope I enjoy what I do and do a damn good job at it, but when I get home from work (or close my laptop if I am working from home, plz god plz) I can separate myself from that and enjoy the night through friends and crafting and cooking and things that bring me joy.

2024 is about bringing joy back into my life.

2024 is going to be happy.

Nee is going to be happy 🙂